Please, Enough Secrets
by LoveStoryMermaid
Summary: Jacob's perspesctive immediately after Edward leaves, but mostly on seeing Bella broken, first by Edward, then by him. Sort of his perspective that leads him to Bella's room to try to have her guess his secret.
1. Who's Gone?

**Disclaimer: I do not own New Moon or any of its characters.**

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** Please, Enough Secrets**

_Ring. Ring. Ring. _Who was calling at this hour? Okay, so it really wasn't that late, only eight o'clock at night. But, no one on the reservation really used the phones, we just walked on over. It could have been Charlie, calling my dad to see about getting together for a game, except there was no game coming up soon. But, Charlie could still be calling to see about going fishing, but, still, the time is weird, he normally doesn't call this late. Suddenly, as I start heading over to pick up the phone, I get a weird feeling, almost like something very bad has happened, but yet, something good. I'm being silly; I've just heard too many Quileute legends lately. Though, I've been trying to stay away from Sam, and all of them, who believe the Cullens are dangerous. Really, it's ridiculous! Sure, I may not like them, but, honestly, they just about the best behaved teenagers I've meet.

I hear my Dad answer the phone, waving his hand at me to let me know he's got it, and to, next time, move a little faster. Hmph. Sorry.

"Hello? Charlie, what's wrong?"

What's wrong? Okay, maybe I haven't been hanging around the elders too much. What could be wrong with Charlie or… no, Bella was fine. I just saw her.

"Sure, we'll be right over. It'll be alright, Charlie. Sam and the boys know the woods better than you may think. We'll find her."

Her. We'll find _her_, he'd said. Unless Charlie had finally found a date and managed to lose track of her, which, on both counts, was highly unlikely, basically impossible, the only her Charlie would be concerned about who could possibly be missing, and that we would be able to help with, would be… Bella."

"Dad? What's going on?" I ask, worried.

He looks at me seriously, "Jacob, Bella's missing. Charlie found a note she left in the kitchen saying she'd gone for a walk in the woods, and that she'd be back soon, but she isn't. I'm going to call up Sam and some of the other boys who know the woods well. Jacob, I know she's your friend, but, it'd really help me out to have someone here."

Bella was missing and he wanted me to stay home?! Was he nuts! And what the hell does Sam Uley know about the woods that I don't!?

"You're kidding me, right? I know the woods just as well as Sam does. Let me come and help."

"Jacob, I don't have time to argue with you about this. Stay here," he'd said it in that tone that really implied I didn't have a choice; but this was Bella, and she was my friend.

"Why? What is so important lately about Sam Uley? Bella's my friend and I want to help," I was starting to yell.

I saw my dad's face tighten a fraction, "Jacob, enough. You will be helping me, and Bella, more by staying here. You can come over when we've found her."

"Let me help," I all but growled.

My dad just turned to go out the door, but not before turning back around and saying firmly, "Jacob, I'm serious. Don't let me find you in those woods."

"Fine," I grumbled reluctantly, "Call me as soon as you find her."

My father nodded, and then he was gone.

Bella was missing! Why?! How!? I paced around for about half an hour before I decided there was no way I was staying here, even if that meant getting grounded. I'd told my dad I wouldn't let him find me in the woods. Fine, but I hadn't really promised to stay here. I wouldn't even go in the woods first. First, I was going to Bella's house, surely Charlie would have called the cops, too, what few there were; I'd make sure they hadn't found her yet, and then I'd see what they tell me I could do. And if they said I could help look, damn it I'd look all night and into the next if I had too. If they said I couldn't, well, I'd better go see first. I jumped into the old car we had, so needed a new one, was working on building one, but wouldn't worry about that now-it's still faster than walking.

I get to Bella's house just as I see Sam, no shirt; of course, he never wore a shirt anymore, walking out of the woods, holding…yes, it was, Bella. And, to hear Charlie calling that he's got her. Sam doesn't look so sure, but hands her over. My god, what happened?! She's soaking wet, shaking, and barely conscious. And, is she saying something?

"Bella! What's she saying?" I call.

Everyone looks up.

"Jacob, I thought…" my dad looks furious; Sam, too, for that matter, but I don't care.

"I wasn't in the woods, alright, I just couldn't wait around. I just got here," I nearly growled, "What happened, do we know? What's she saying?"

"Sounds like, "He's gone." No, we don't know what happened yet," it was Mike who answered me.

Not that Mike was my favorite person, but as the adults seemed too occupied on Bella, and it was an answer, I nodded my thanks to him. Damn, she looks terrible. What the hell happened? He's gone, she saying. Who's gon…? Cullen, I realize. Edward Cullen. That's the only person I know of that could have Bella so upset, who could possibly be missing, and that's a he. Charlie's here, of course, so it's obviously not him, and she spends every minute, almost, with Edward. He left? Why? But, he left! That means she's not taken anymore! I can't help but feel happy about this. It's selfish, I knew, and the way she looked right now, she probably need a week or so to get over it, but, if Cullen's really gone, gone for good, the way she's so shook up would lead me to believe, then I might finally have a chance.


	2. Please

_It's selfish, I knew, and the way she looked right now, she probably need a week or so to get over it, but, if Cullen's really gone, gone for good, the way she's so shook up would lead me to believe, then I might finally have a chance._

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A werewolf. I was a freaking werewolf and the Cullens were damn stinking leech vampires! This was not happening! This could not be happening. Bella was just starting to come out of that shell she'd placed herself in when he left. A vampire! She'd gone nuts over a stinking vampire! Did she even know?! And, we'd been getting along great, though. We'd become, not that we weren't always, good friends. But now she was over here a lot, nearly every day. And, to be honest, it seemed like she was starting to like me as more than I friend. I knew I already did. But now? Ha. Friends, maybe so, but not likely. They'd told me I couldn't even tell her, for crying out loud! Not that it was necessarily something I was looking forward to. I mean, what the hell would I even say, "Hey, Bella, guess what. Did you know your boyfriend was a vampire, and that, uh, by the way, I'm a werewolf now." ? She'd think I was insane. I sounded insane. I felt insane. But, worse than that, if I didn't tell her, she'd hate me. I'd hate myself. Because I knew exactly what would happen if we stopped seeing each other. I know, without being egotistical, that I've helped her come out of that shell and I know she can't deal with someone leaving her again, and that is exactly how this is going to seem and feel like, to both of us. I mean, Billy and I were fabricating that I was sick, but while Bella may not always be the sharpest, she's no idiot. She's going to figure out pretty quick I'm not sick, at least, not like she thinks. She's also determined when she sets her mind and heart on something; she doesn't let it go. And I know she won't let this go, and it's going to, metaphorically, kill us both.

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She called me today. Just her voice, she sounded so happy to hear from me, and all I did was lie to her. And basically, informally told her goodbye. I almost couldn't do it. I wanted to run over there to her house and just tell her; a reaction to the truth would be better than this, but I knew that I wouldn't get two feet across the boundary line with that intention, thanks to Sam. Of course, know I knew why Sam and my friends didn't wear shirts and knew the woods better, and are actually the good guys, but I'm still not happy with him for not letting me tell her. I mean, I understand the risk, I knew now about Emily, but still. But, still, if it means absolutely keeping her safe…alright. I mean, it's not forever, just until I can control it for certain.

**

I officially hated myself. Hated all of this. We shouldn't exist. _They_ shouldn't exist. If they didn't exist none of this would be a problem. Bella wouldn't have fallen in love with _him_; he wouldn't have left her and broken her heart. I wouldn't be a dangerous werewolf who had to stay away from his best friend to keep her safe, more than that really, stay away from the girl I loved to keep her safe. But worse than that, so much worse than that, I wouldn't have had to see her face tremble and then break as I officially and finally told her goodbye just now. I have only seen Bella look like that once, and that was when _he_ left. And, really, how much different was it? I left her broken in the woods, just like him. And, like _him_, broken my promise to her, that' I'd never do that, and look what I did! Her face! It was almost identical to that night, and even worse, she was blaming herself, and angry, too. Well, I couldn't blame her on that. I'd be angry too. I was angry. Another reason to hate him. And, also worse, she already knows! I already told her this, last year on the beach! Not that either of us had reason to believe it at the time. But, wait, I was angry and upset, and I wasn't phasing. I was trembling, but I hadn't turned into a stupid wolf yet! Could I control it, to a degree already? If so, that meant…that meant I could tell her, because she'd be safe. And her face, how stupid I'd been! I couldn't leave it like that! Not with her blaming herself and so upset and angry. But, what could I do? Maybe, if Sam knew, maybe he'd make an exception. Not likely, but worth a try.

"Sam!" I called.

He turned around, "Jacob. What is it? What's wrong?"

Apparently my face, then, still reflected the agony I felt. "Sam," I begged, "Please. Please, let me tell her. I can control it, alright. I just told her goodbye, and I got so angry with her for a second, but nothing happened," I got out, and then steadied my voice, "Sam, nothing happened, and her face. Sam, her face looked like it had that night the bloodsucker left. Am I to be as bad as him, a leech? Leave her broken just like him? Because, that's exactly what I did. Even did it in the same stupid place, basically," then, begging once more, "Please?"

Sam's face only hardened, "I'm sorry, Jacob. You did what you had to. And you're nothing like the Cullens. We're protecting people. It may not seem like it, but you know it's better this way. And, even if you were in control, Jacob I thought I was in control with Emily, too. It only takes a second, even after months. I'm sorry. It's the only way."

"The only way? No, no Sam. It's not the only way! You're acknowledging that! And, you say it's the better way. The safer way, or the better way?"

"It's the same thing. The safer way is the better way."

"No, it's not, and you know it. What if you'd had to tell Emily you could never see her again and she didn't know why?"  
"Jacob," he said, his voice firmer still, "She'd still be safe. Bella will come to accept it. Now you need to accept it. My decision is the same. Go home."

"Sam," I begged.

"Jacob, enough. No. Go home."

Maybe I did still hate him. I spun around and turned back to my house. I really wanted to break a tree with my fist-I've got to admit, the strength and speed are great, but it's the damn secrets that are the problem-but, that wouldn't help with my argument that I'm in control. So, instead, I just swing the door open and let it slam behind me, ignoring my father's worried, "Jake?" and shutting, not slamming, though I wanted to, my bedroom door, then flopping onto my bed, not crying, but letting my head bury into the pillow.

I hear a knock at the door, "Jacob? What's wrong?"

It's my father, "Go away," I mumble.

He does. That's one nice thing about Billy. He'll leave you to yourself, if you want to be.

About one o'clock I realized I couldn't sleep. I looked out my window. It was dark, but there was some light from the stars. Bella would be sleeping, if she wasn't having nightmares. I couldn't do this. I couldn't leave things like I had. I'd be waking her up, but they'd never let me go if they knew. And, I'd realized before I feel asleep, Sam had never said anything about saying something that would lead her to guess it. That's what I'd do. Apologize; hope she forgives me, though she probably will. Bella's not one to hold grudges, no matter what happens; apologize, and then remind her of that day on the beach. I got up and check in on my father quickly making sure he was fast asleep. I would make this work. I would not break my promise.


End file.
